Meantime, This is How I Am

I could last all day just talking about how I am feeling lately, but things are supposed to get back into its fine mode once I get my strength back.


  • I'm not busy,  but I sure feel tired every day.
    • I have been given one additional hand in finishing up one program but the rest of my programs are still handled by me alone. The funny thing is, I'm really not yet as busy as the past few days has been. I have actually stopped being the hero that will answer all concerns because I think that each employee given their own share of tasks are supposed to take care of their programs, and they are answerable to it. Still, I just can't help it that I have to give a hand each time there's a need to. I am such a natural hero. 
  • I am feeling unhealthy. 
    • The past months as I quietly breathe by my lonesome, I feel the need to consume more and more calci-blockers because the BP is way too high. Even if I don't feel any symptom at all, I feel paranoid that one day I will just die not knowing it. The 160/110 has been the latest consistent BP. And with the way I monitor it, it gives me heartburns. 
    • Yes, I think I need to go see a doctor. I am really going to see a doctor. I cannot afford to leave this earth without seeing my grandchildren, I swear.   
    • I am sick. Migraine keeps visiting me daily. Damn.
  • I am lonely. 
    • When Kuya decided he would leave for his studies in Manila, my world crumbled. I did not expect that my eldest would make me feel so alone. But we asked him, we even tried to convince him that Manila is not for him. That what is in Manila can be anywhere in Gensan. That he has already shown to us that he is ready for college by passing the entrance exams of major schools in Manila except for that one big school where he dreamed of going. But he has decided, FEU it is. 
    • And so I will be alone most weekdays as Tabebs is also studying an hour away from me, and stays in the dormitory on weekdays.
    • I have yet to accept the fact that I am getting older and eventually the kids will leave us for their own happiness.    
  • I am sad. 
    • Dismayed at the result of the 2019 midterm elections. There were a number of glitches that were too obvious that transparency hasn't been real, at all. But nevertheless, I am but one small voice so I will just keep mum about it. I guess, the voice of God has been heard, if indeed it is the voice of GOD. 
    • My candidates did not win, most of them. But I am not sad that they did not win. I am sadder that the attitude of people trying to sabotage each other because of their political affiliations has been too rude, too brutal and for me, too personal. They hurt each other with sad unkind words that they should not be spewing. I am sad that we hit each other with hurtful words but was not able to judge our own ways. 
  • I am angry. 
    • Somebody just took her freedom to say hurtful words about me without having to ask me for validation. This makes me sad because we used to be really good friends. I hate to let go of a friendship that started genuinely, but berating me surely offended me. I have to let go of a friendship that was ruined by people who intends to put my name to shame for reasons I am not aware of. God bless you.  
  • I need a new hobby. 
    • I was invited to teach in college. I want to. But weekends are the only time I have for my daughter.  And I just cannot leave her alone on weekends. Cross-stitch again? My eyes are not that superb anymore. Reading? That's a staple. Any recos? Blog-hopping? Yes! Please be there for me when I visit!
  • I need a vacation. 
    • Yes. I think I need a good vacation. I am trying my best to book a good vacation with the kids. Probably very soon. 
Thank you for dropping by! 
Have a good day! 


Comments

Miss N said…
Ms. Sheng! Ngayon lang ako na-inform na nagbalik ka! haha! Hmn, pino-proseso ko pa sa mind ko ang mga nabasa ko sa post mong ito. At pag nagcomment ako tungkol sa lahat ng naiisip ko, para na rin akong nagsulat ng isang buong blog post dito sa comment mo haha. Pero ito ang pinakaimportanteng gusto kong sabihin sa 'yo, please, please, take care of your health ha? Mmmwah!

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