Between (my) Blinks 1

Good Friday, 2010

I woke up feeling well rested, I felt power. It was only a day of rest, of being with the kids and the whole family, but i felt invigorated by what force I don't know. The kids and husband still asleep, I felt JOY being in their presence.

I grabbed a book "Between Blinks" by Jim Paredes, a gift from a very good friend given just Wednesday, the message to me was this:

For Sheng,

Because you need serenity once in a while.

I thought about the message. For sure he knows I need to connect with myself and need inner peace once in a while. And so my thoughts wandered.

Yes, when I needed money, I prayed. When I needed healing, I prayed. When I needed strength, I prayed. When I needed comfort and peace, I prayed. But when was the last time I prayed just because I needed to talk to HIM and just tell HIM everything going on with my life?

I am thankful that He stays with me in my down times and in my joys, I am so much thankful of the times when I am successful, because I sure know it was HIM who gave me direction. I am happy during times when I finished a project, oh the joy of meeting new friends, the happiness of being invited to a social event, the joy of finally finishing the works of a manuscript. But did I thank HIM enough?

Let me get to my point. I suddenly felt weak because I did not fully listened to God's messages to me. Sure, He answered my every call, my every prayer, but the last time that I came to HIM with just thanksgiving and praises, I cannot even recall.

And just when this is the right time to simply remember HIS death for us on the cross, that is the only time my inner self is being peeled. God, forgive me.

Sometimes, I am so engrossed with work, with the joy of life, with earthly things that I forget the real things I must be thankful for. Sometimes I needed answers, and when there is none, I'd think that it was a sign of God's decline. But I missed the point. I did not get the message.
Now, I already know. Like Jim, my job is to be open and to listen.

And to always seek HIS ways no matter what.

I get back to the songs I sang when I was in my younger years, and I fill my soul with recollection as to how these songs changed me.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God." "Jesus, what a beautiful name..." With Christ in my vessel, I can smile at the storm." "Create in me a clean heart, O God."

These are the songs which gave a big impact in my life when I was younger and still sing when I am in my troubling times. These I teach the kids when I sleep with them. But I do not remember explaining to them why these songs matter to me. Now, I feel the need to let them understand the value of God's death on the cross for each of us, while they are still young. Until they get God's message for them, too.

Today, I remember my Nanay Connie, she was passionate in reading and telling me stories of how God loves me. Let me reciprocate the act. I hope she will be proud of what I will do. And I hope she is proud of what I have become.

And yes, I must listen.

In the silence of one's soul, he finds peace and sometimes, a message awaits.


My reflection for today, Between (my) Blinks.