I rarely complain when work is the topic because I know I will intentionally lose myself in the argument. I have always taken the guilt for being the youngest in our team that is why much of the bulk of work is on me. I have been feeling a little more than stressed lately and my blood pressure can't seem to go below 140/110 but I am taking things in stride because I have a family too, and I cannot just live for the work placed upon my shoulders.
But I enjoy work, and that is an understatement. Maybe because I have loved the kind of work that was given me and I enjoy the service to others that I always feel like it's a chance to helping out the needy. I take it on me to support the needy especially when they really need a shoulder to help them. I have this passion for making good with my work that at times it leaves nothing for me and the children.
I get accustomed to going to trips because I have to send myself there in order to conduct orientations, give lectures, meet people. And I enjoy all of them.
My work continues even as I reach home, and that is no longer healthy as I would understand it to be. I have oftentimes disagreed with my boss for being such a jerk in decision-making. I am a player, and to rest in between for me spells nothing else for me but FAILURE. And all this I do because I want to be best at what I do. I do not want to be complacent about things and put blame on others just because he or she is not doing her job. However, we do have our individual targets, and to reach it is a group effort and the performance is based on how the group did something to achieve it. Talk about inequality. Haha.
So how do you really take things in the proper perspective when you feel inadequate anymore? You have been working from the tips of your fingers to the tip of your hair but it just doesn't feel complete.
It hurts me right now to think that I have a very laid back supervisor. And my personality is too strong to take him with ease. It hurts me because he has just reached the Senior citizenship and sometimes my fierce tongue would lash out undesirable words which I feel is proper reasoning.
So I guess I just have to push myself to what is intended and expected of me. I just hope and pray that when the credits are given, my name is on the top list because I feel I deserve it. I'm applying for a promotion, I have been trying to get this position equal to the fingers of my right hand, if I get this, then I'd truly believe that there is fairness and equality in the world, and that the appointing officer is true to her word of "fairness" and "transparency".
Allow me this short rant. I just want to let out some steam.