Saturday, October 31

All These Zapped My Energy

While I may look okay in my status posts in Facebook and other social media accounts, I have been secretly dealing with unexplainable emotions, most of which are attributable to a period of adjustment with this Long-Distance Relationship I have just entered into.

For quite a long time, the 15 years we have had together with the husband has made me feel secure in his arms, every day, every night that we are together, even those times that I am out for seminars and official travels, and he with the same. 

It has been revealed in my previous post that he will be away for work, and I have not really grasped the idea, until the following days without his presence near me and the kids. It looked as though things have not been falling into place, and that my days are incomplete. 

The excitement that I felt for him with his new work settled in less than two weeks or so, and was replaced with sorrow and worries. At first, I was elated at the fact that he will be joining a new workplace, this time more secure, and I am happy that what he has been quietly looking for has been granted him. I know for a fact that he has been searching for himself and that he is in need of personal fulfillment just like what I found when I got in the position where I am now. It feels really good to have a career that will embrace you and will call you as its own, minus the contracts that need to be renewed annually.

My bloated pride has suddenly been replaced with worry just by looking at the his pictures of the small cramped bedroom he is sharing with four other bedspacers. Panic sank in me just wondering if he is eating properly, and what foods does he eat with the soaring prices Manila does offer. And what feeling washed over me knowing he is traversing Intramuros back and forth from his workplace to his boarding house daily (almost 3 kilometers) because the price of padyak is way too high to squeeze into his budget. 

Moreover, I am scared that with his knowledge and expertise with his new work assignment, his bosses will see him as an asset and will not allow him for a transfer to someplace near his family. My trust in him has not been tarnished but I wonder what kind of friends will he entertain and will they be the kind of friends I would like him to mingle with. 

I think I am overthinking. Way overboard. 

Add to this scenario the fact that I have been sleeping on my thesis which is supposed to be submitted by the end of November, and which should be defended by first of December. 

Plus the kids, the dogs, and this abnormally high BP.

The fact that work has been a constant duel, and laundry is a consistent weekend enemy. That and many more, I wonder if I could get away with all these, and emerge beautifully successful. 

Again, I think I am overthinking. So help me God.   

1 comment:

witsandnuts said...

I guess that's 'normal' over thinking. Oh the thesis, what a coincidence I have just blogged about that also today. Almost 2 months ago, I was so anxious waiting for the final marks. But I believe that you will get through it. :)